December Remember

Cin Webb

06 Dec 2025 — 1 min read

1986 photo on christmas morning fo two dark haired children with olive skin smiling at the camera. The smaller child is holding a doll. In the back ground is a wooden dolls cot. They are surrounded by christmas wrapping pape.

My fave month is here

My grief is heavy month

My want to forget lots of stuff month

My want to remember bits of joy month

Get reminded of bitter sweet things month

The countdown to possible parole month

Bye Dad month

Few near death experiences month

My try to be grateful month

My careful i may disassociate month

My always plan to make this one better than the last

To make plans

To see friends

Cry

To go out in nature

Be creative

Cry

Take moments

Keep breathing

Cry

This year i also want to stop healing

The more i heal the more it hurts

This world is a ball of hurt

With moments of joy

Flashes of pure joy

We capture with cameras

To remind us they exist

Like the photo on this post.

a moment

Amongst childhood chaos

But sometimes

Its my child saying something as we talk death and cremation and ashes distribution and what he hopes he can do for me in the future with my Dad.

And i hear a voice saying those same words

And am taken back to a moment in time i found a flash of joy in the chaos.

No camera could capture

It was captured in a place sacred to me

While sleigh bells ring, here the sun stings

Snow Snow on branches Buildings in the background Then suddenly I was thinking of a child i knew The summer heat was causing sensory overload Summers here do that No relief could be found Until i pulled that photo out And we imagined being surrounded by snow We sat in

When familiar becomes offensive to self

You know the feeling of wearing shoes and the rubbing on your heels and you can tolerate it to a degree til you take them off and try and put them back on again and its intolerable? This is like healing You grow from past situations or cycles And find

Fear

Its not that i am not scared Its not that i am not terrified Its not that im not future avoidant Its simply that i got tired Of being scared Of Being terrified Of Not even attempting future plan making And that being my whole existence How to stop any

Bloopers Reel

What character do you play In shames theatre of disarray? What part of the manuscript Do you perform the benefit? How many monotonous takes and mistakes and remakes Until that mask finally breaks? And when that masks breaks Which direction will you run? Will you take the road less travelled